


Better Sit Back And Go (With The Flow)

by BambiRex



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Addie is their honorary daughter, Don't Like Don't Read, F/F, Genderbending, Grief/Mourning, Light Angst, death mention, fem!queen, it was actually supposed to be a little lighter but I'm depressed, king!au, mentions of depression, old Maylor, set in 2018 or 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26986822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BambiRex/pseuds/BambiRex
Summary: Finding Addie didn’t magically chase all the pain away, but she was a stronger medicine than they thought she would be.
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor, mention of Jim Hutton/Freddie Mercury
Comments: 16
Kudos: 13





	Better Sit Back And Go (With The Flow)

**Author's Note:**

> When I was still taking requests on my Tumblr, I got some about fem!Adam Lambert and her dynamic with old Maylor- and I really enjoyed writing them, so I really wanted to write an actual fic of that strange little family. I saw some really awful, negative comments about Q+AL lately, so I figured it's time I poured my feelings into a fic. Well...it turned out a bit angstier than I planned, but anyways!
> 
> Title is from ''These Are The Days of Our Lives" by Queen.

Regina almost forgot what it felt like to laugh with such abandon- tears in her eyes, not enough air in her lungs, her stomach muscles cramping from doing so. A while back, she was certain she would never laugh again like this, slapping her knee and practically neighing, her voice echoing off the walls of their joint dressing room. A while back, being so happy again felt like a distant dream.

She wiped her eyes, gasping for breath. She glanced at Brianna, and could see her wife was in a similar state, doubled over with laughter. Regina grinned, feeling her heart flutter with joy.

Time really did help you heal- but it was a much, much slower process than Regina thought it would be. Nearly thirty years had passed, and there were days when it hurt just the same as on that cold November day; when a memory suddenly popped up, a reminder of what they had lost. An all too realistic dream, that left her confused about the timeline- and the cold awakening that followed, the painful realization that things had changed.

Clearly, she wasn’t the only one affected. Brianna always had the tendency to fall too deeply into the darkness, trapped inside her own self-deprecating thoughts. Once she was there, it was nearly impossible to pull her out again. She fell into that pit after it happened, and Regina was worried her gentle care wouldn’t be enough to help her out. She nearly lost her, too, and to this day, an uncomfortable shiver ran down her spine just thinking about it.

So many years had passed, but the knot inside her stomach didn’t really want to ease. They kept losing things, people that were so dear to their hearts- years filled with tears, frustration, fights spiraling out of control, and ties getting cruelly cut. A desperate attempt to rise from the ashes, and being dropped on their faces when it didn’t work out.

It wasn’t constantly awful, clearly. They had happy moments- they had each other, and even though their marriage nearly crumbled once or twice, they held on. Funny, that is- Regina always remembered back on her relationship with Brianna as a marriage, even when it wasn’t legal yet. ‘’We are married, darling- who cares what those fuckers in the Parliament say?” Freddie used to say, proudly showing off the ring that Jane gave her. She always referred to Jane as her wife, and Regina liked that mentality. They were, weren’t they? In good times and bad times, sickness and in health- until death did them part. Regina felt the same way with Brianna. They had been together since the early days, since Smile- how many years had those been? It was hard to count. Better ask Brianna, she was the mathematical genius in the relationship. They went through so much together, it would have been plain silly not to think of themselves as wives. The fact that it was legalized, and Brianna could finally, actually propose, and they had their marriage certificate, didn’t even change things all that much. It was just a legal nod, a formal acknowledging of their connection. It was a marriage from the beginning, and there were moments when they thought they would split- not because of the arguing, the artistic differences, or the idiotic critics. That darkness that descended down upon them nearly thirty years ago almost managed to swallow them whole, almost broke them apart. The pain, the desperation was so severe, that they both felt the need to self-destruct, throwing away the only positive thing left in their lives.

But they held on. They took each other’s hands, and crawled out from the depths of Hell, scrambling towards the light. Together, they managed. Finding their way back to each other were the moments that made it feel like life was worth living again. So, it wasn’t always bad. They loved each other, they fought past the obstacles, they held on. Waking up to Brianna making pancakes for breakfast, falling asleep in her arms, traveling the world with her, getting married to her- the little moments, and the big moments, the ones that could chase away the constantly looming dark clouds.

And it was impossible to grieve every single day, after so many years had passed. When Regina first found herself not thinking about it, about the friend she had lost, she felt as if she was selfish. She felt like she had betrayed Freddie- but then she remembered how she urged her to move on. She told her not to get stuck in the past, to live her life. She told Brianna not to ‘’mope” about it all the time. Freddie didn’t want them to spend the rest of their lives in tears. 

They both tried to follow her advice, and sometimes they managed- there were days when the memories weren’t bittersweet, just sweet, when they could smile thinking about her without tears in their eyes.

But sometimes, those memories felt like a stab through the chest, a wound that would never heal. Other memories cried about another lost friend, one that was still alive, just took off and never looked back. Texts that hadn’t been replied to, ignored phonecalls that constantly reminded them of the loss they had to endure. Thinking about Joan meant thinking about Freddie, which meant thinking about the golden days- and the cycle started back again, an endless loop of pain.

Even in the better moments, those thoughts were looming in the backs of their brains, refusing to let go. Sometimes they were triggered by something, a particular song, a found photograph, a dream.  
It wasn’t always bad, it couldn’t be. But it was still bad, very often.

Finding Addie didn’t magically chase all the pain away, but she was a stronger medicine than they thought she would be.

The girl was insanely talented- when Regina first heard her singing, she felt goosebumps rising on her skin. She glanced up at Brianna, and could see the genuine awe written all over her features, eyes sparkling, and lips parted slightly in quiet wonder. She felt the same thing- that they have finally found what they were looking for.

She was a lot like Freddie in terms of personality, even looks, and Regina often wondered if their brain latched onto the girl on purpose, looking for a substitute, perhaps. Another beautiful girl with dark hair, winged eyeliner and flashy clothes, energetic and loud- a nearly splitting image of a young Freddie. But it was impossible to replace her, that much was clear. After actually getting to know her a little bit, they realized they weren’t looking for a replacement- they were looking for an addition, and that held a significant difference. Addie knew that, too- and she was comfortable with it. She didn’t want to try on Freddie’s shoes, not for a single second. Her energy, her flamboyance, her mannerisms weren’t the product of copying the impossible- she was just like that, it was her very own nature. And so, Regina realized they weren’t so much looking for someone to fill the void that Freddie left- instead, they were simply drawn to the unique.

Asking Addie to be their new singer was a giant step towards healing.

They tried that before, with Paula, but it didn’t work as well. She was nice, but they didn’t quite click- it just never really felt right.

With Addie, who was much younger than them, it worked wonderfully. She felt right at home with them- joking around, being affectionate but never too much, knowing right well that there was a bond she didn’t fit into. Addie never tried to be more than she was, as a performer and as a friend, and Regina respected her a lot for that. She purposefully followed the ‘’King+ Addie Lambert” name, always making sure people remembered she wasn’t trying to squeeze herself into the old formation. She rather supported it, and she was proud of her role. She didn’t just go along with a resigned sigh- she enjoyed every single moment.

And Brianna and Regina did, too.

Sure, not many people were happy about their decision. Some people hated their choice of keeping King alive altogether- they thought it was disrespectful to Freddie, to go on without her. They said that Joan retiring was the right choice, and they should follow suit. Brianna respected the bassist’s decision, even if it hurt like Hell, but she didn’t feel it in her to stop. There was a time, of course, a little after Freddie’s death, when everything seemed hopeless, and she simply didn’t want to continue. Hell, she didn’t even want to continue living- if it wasn’t for Regina yanking her back from the edge of the pit she was about to fall into, then God knows what could have happened. She was certain now, that they made the right decision moving forward- and they made the best decision picking Addie. Brianna found herself defending the singer on social media quite often, astonished and appalled by the sheer hatred some people poured over her. They claimed she was trying to be Freddie, that she wasn’t good enough to tour with King- lesbophobic and antisemitic slurs in the comments, that made Brianna want to scratch her own eyes out.

But both her and Regina defended Addie fiercely. In some ways, it felt like she was an honorary daughter of sorts. They never had children together- back in the days, it was simply impossible, and now they were too old. Addie filled the role of their unborn child perfectly; sometimes they babied her a little too much, pouring their unfulfilled motherly instincts over her. They loved Addie, as a friend, as a colleague, as a child. She wasn’t Freddie, she never tried to be and never could be, but this was perfect the way it was.

King lived on- with bumps and scars on the way, tears and breaks and patches. But it did. And Addie was partially to thank for that. This, in itself, was already worth it.

It was worth it, listening to her dirty jokes in the dressing room before the concert, watching the cheeky glint in her eyes. It was worth it, hearing Regina laugh so freely- it almost felt like they were young again, back in the golden days, joking around like a bunch of rascals.

‘’You’re an idiot, but that’s why we love you.” Regina wheezed. Her cheeks were red from laughing, and Brianna couldn’t resist leaning over and kissing them.

Addie shrugged, but her grin didn’t falter. ‘’And to think you would yell ‘language’ at me…”

‘’Never.” Brianna grinned. ‘’You know, we may be old, but we do have quite the experience.”

The gleam in Regina’s eyes made her heart swell. She suddenly looked much, much younger, and Brianna could perfectly envision soft, blond hair, and rosy lips. Regina was still beautiful, of course- even though her hair was snow white now, and time has left its traces on her face and body. To Brianna, she was still perfect- especially when she was so free and happy.

‘’Oh, we do.” Regina grinned cheekily, and Brianna replied with a suggestive eyebrow-wriggle. Addie groaned in fake horror, covering her eyes.

‘’Maybe I should leave you two alone.” She teased. ‘’Looks like I set off the start of something…well, I guess just as I never wanted to see my biological parents having sex, I don’t want to see my honorary ones, either.”

‘’Who said we will have sex?” Brianna replied with mock-offence, clutching a hand over her chest.

‘’Who said we won’t?” Regina countered with a wink, making all three of them burst into laughter. It was such a beautiful sound, one that Brianna simply couldn’t get enough of.

‘’Okay, I guess I really need to leave now.” Addie snickered playfully, rising to her feet. She flicked her ponytail over her shoulder, sending them a grin.

‘’See you on stage, Mums.”

‘’See you.” Brianna and Regina replied, watching with a smile as Addie waved at them from the doorway.

When she was gone, Brianna looked at her wife. She was smiling, eyes full of life.

‘’Are you happy?” Brianna found herself asking. Regina didn’t even hesitate before she nodded with a genuine, bright smile.

‘’Yes.” She replied, voice full of warmth. She blinked up at Brianna from under her lashes- that sweet look never changed, not with tragedy, not with time.

‘’Are you?”

‘’Very.” Brianna was being honest: she truly was. She had Regina, the woman she never stopped loving after more than fifty years, that was beside her even in the darkest times. Her steady rock, that never seemed to falter. The one that could brighten up her days, even when she was feeling awfully down.

‘’I love you.” She said, leaning in to kiss Regina on the lips lovingly. Her wife smiled softly, lacing their fingers together.

‘’I love you too.” She whispered against her lips, and once again, Brianna found herself back in the old days of innocent love confessions, sweet love-making and young love.

That was the past, and this was the present. They lost so much, but they also won a lot. They got hurt, but they were healing. They were happily married, King was rocking on, they just finished a movie to honor their friend, they pretty much adopted a grown woman- that didn’t sound too bad, after all.

‘’Let’s go.” Brianna said, kissing Regina’s knuckles before gently pulling her to her feet. Regina nodded, then she looked up towards the ceiling, smile widening.

‘’I hope you’ll enjoy the show, you old tart.” She said affectionately, and Brianna laughed, pulling her close.

‘’I’m sure she will.”

With that, they walked out of the dressing room hand in hand, following Addie to the stage.

**Author's Note:**

> If you don't like this, just turn around and walk away, please. Other than that, feedback is super appreciated!


End file.
